Fear is that blind, unreasoning dread that we are ultimately alone in the universe. Thrust from the security of the womb into an unknown, untested vacuum, we are immediately bombarded with the fact of our separate being. We encounter rejection in disapproval, discipline, and sibling rivalry, and the fear grows. We become aware of the impermanence of relationships as death becomes real to us through the loss of a pet, stories of dying, or the loss of a significant person. If we cannot count on the security of our relationships or our place in the scheme of the world, we are lost.
Added to this is the child’s primitive fear of God. No matter how lovingly we are confronted with our Sunday school God, we must inevitably come to grips with the fact of God’s wrath. Even if it is played down, or explained to us, it does not disappear, but remains to surface again as doubt when we reach early adulthood. We may never realize that we really fear being alone in a universe that may be alien to us. If God is capable of turning away from us; if we someday could find ourselves bereft of any comfort or love, we must live the rest of our lives in a low-key hysteria, blindly cramming our lives with pacifiers in order not to think of the void beyond. Nameless fears and phobias are clung to unconsciously in hopes the real threat may somehow be dealt with.
This is why God is the only answer to ultimate fear. When we can know the truth that is God, we will know his love is incapable of being ended. We will know that we are not alone in a cold and aimless universe, or in the sway of a vengeful God. When this is perceived in the deepest core of our being, peace floods our world and makes it habitable for the human soul. As a child flees out of darkness into the light and warmth of a mother’s arms, so do we rush into the arms of the all mighty, all powerful, and all loving God. And fear is lost in peace.
Archive for: ‘June 2009’
FEAR
MINNIE REMEMBERS
God, my hands are old.
I’ve never said that out loud before,
but they are.
I was so proud of them once.
They were soft
like the velvet smoothness of a firm, ripe peach.
Now the softness is more like worn-out sheets
or withered leaves.
When did these slender, graceful hands
become gnarled, shrunken claws?
When, God?
They lie here in my lap,
naked reminders of this body
that has served me too well.
How long has it been since someone touched me?
Twenty years?
Twenty years I’ve been a widow;
Respected
Smiled at,
But never touched.
Never held so close that loneliness
was blotted out.
I remember how my mother used to hold me, God.
When I was hurt in spirit or in flesh,
she would gather me close,
stroke my silky hair
and caress my back with her warm hands.
O God, I’m so lonely!
I remember the first boy who ever kissed me.
We were both so new at that.
The taste of young lips and popcorn,
the feeling inside of mysteries to come.
I remember Hank and the babies.
How else can I remember them but together?
Out of the fumbling, awkward attempts of new lovers
came the babies.
And as they grew, so did our love.
And God, Hank didn’t seem to mind
if my body thickened and faded a little.
He still loved it and touched it.
and we didn’t mind if we were no longer beautiful.
And the children hugged me a lot.
O God, I’m lonely.
God, why didn’t we raise the kids to be silly
and affectionate
as well as dignified and proper?
You see, they do their duty.
They drive up in their fine cars.
They come to my room and pay their respects.
They chatter brightly and reminisce.
But they don’t touch me.
They call me “Mom”
or “Mother”
or “Grandma”.
Never Minnie.
My mother called me Minnie.
So did my friends.
Hank called me Minnie, too.
But they’re gone now,
And so is Minnie.
Only Grandma is here.
And God, she’s lonely!
EVE
Adam named the tiger, the monkey and the bear.
He wandered through the Garden and shed a lonely tear.
“The beasts are gentle creatures, they listen when I call.
I like to watch them playing; I love them one and all.
A mate for every creature; every one I see.
But nowhere in the Garden is a creature just like me.
I know as you created we were perfect in your sight.
And I hate to bring the subject up, but something is not right.
I’ve named the horse and centipede and the hippopotamus.
But nowhere in the Garden have I found someone like us.
I love to walk and talk with you and listen to your voice.
But when you leave me here alone I really can’t rejoice.”
The Creator of Creation paused beside his masterpiece,
and smiled as he touched his heavy heart and bade him fall asleep.
When Adam woke and looked around, the whole Creation changed;
for now he saw his world had been completely rearranged.
The loveliest creature ever made was standing by his side;
and he knew that she was part of him and meant to be his bride.
The gentle creatures one and all bowed low before the pair;
And gave allegiance to the ones committed to their care.
So it is we dress our bride in wedding garments fair.
And bring her to the one with whom a solemn vow is shared.
To do their part in God’s great plan they share with all mankind;
to till this garden we call earth and make its goodness shine.


